archives
Walk Down Memory Lane.
I DON'T THINK THAT THEY'D UNDERSTAND
Monday, September 29, 2008
4:46 AM
Ah, the feeling of having a new PC.
It's like drinking a dozen of fruit shakes, very refreshing. Or eating a lot of your favorite food, very satisfying. I could put more comparisons but I suppose that's enough to express how fulfilled I am. :)
I realized that I've been hurting much lately. Maybe I'm giving too much of myself. :| It's so hard when you have nothing to talk to. And it's not because I don't want them to know anything, I just don't want them to suffer along with me. Ugh.
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Mouth to South
Saturday, September 27, 2008
5:44 AM
I'm on laptop right now.
My PC must have gone haywire. I think it's a nice change, thinking that I really could live without going online for 1 week. I was able to test my limits and pretty satisfied that I really wasn't relying that much on it. Not the entire technology, of course, because nowadays I've used my free time texting. :D
Anyway, I had a Feature Writing Competition yesterday at PNU. I was a nervous wreck though I tried very hard to shove fear aside. Well, who wouldn't be, when they see over 100 participants? Ugh. The results aren't released yet but I'm not counting much. I'm not that dumb to tell reality from illusion. Haha. Kidding. :p
I think that's all. Other things will be kept to myself. ;)
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Oh, the agony!
Saturday, September 20, 2008
2:55 AM
I regret that I asked. I wish I never did.
That way, I wouldn't have cried for days.
That way, I wouldn't have my world crashed again.
That way, I wouldn't have known that he is starting to like a new person again.
Even so, I still wish him happiness.
Right now I don't care what other people think or even what I feel, what matters to me is how and what he feels.
I love him enough to want that.
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Details, details
Friday, September 12, 2008
4:38 AM
After a straight week of not blogging, I have so much to tell. But first, I would like to say that...
THIS WEEK WAS A WEEK OF RAIN. Like, almost everyday it rains, and fuck, it is so annoying. Who wants to go home with dripping uniform along with squeaky shoes?
Anyway. It was very fortunate that I had written some important details on my journal. Haha. I'll be posting the ones for public viewing.
Thursday, 9.04.08-- I was pretty nervous this day. All throughout English, I've been thinking of PE because we would be presenting our dance to Mr Chua. He's a very straightforward teacher, mind you, and probably you would never want to be embarrassed by him. PE came and the floor was ours. Thankfully [and surprisingly], he liked it. He was even smiling during the whole presentation. Very fortunate, indeed.
Friday, 9.05.08-- HAPPY BIRTHDAY SYDNEY! Nothing actively happened. I actually did have a short nap during club period because I have nothing to do. Not really nothing, but I'm mostly finished with my requirements so I have time for rest. Haha. I seldom get a chance like this. Better make the most out of it.
Monday, 9.8.08-- IMMACULATE CONCEPTION (spelling?). Early in the morning, I was eagerly looking for duct tape. I found none. To hell with that tape, I was almost late for school. ALMOST. Thank God, I wasn't. I would rather be absent than late. I was ecstatic for Ice Cream Making in Chemistry. Tomorrow, we'll find out if it turns out good or bad. I hope it isn't so bad. It was raining, and I went home late. Not very late, but still later than my usual arrival at home. I am at odds with Mom. We don't talk to each other.
Tuesday, 9.09.08-- Still raining. Our ice cream tastes good, some of our classmates really liked it. :D Even Ms Calalang too so that was something to be happy about. When I went home it was raining cats and dogs so I had to stay at a friend's house [Chloe] and let the rain stop. Or at the very least, let it weaken a bit. It was already 8:30 and I was still there. Very, very late. I arrived home at 9:30. I think Mom was pissed. She didn't talk to me again for another day.
Wednesday, 9.10.08-- Still raining. Damn. I went school wearing slippers and no one scolded me for doing such thing. I started reading "Bata, Bata Paano ka Ginawa?" by Lualhati Bautista. I find it interesting and hilarious in some parts. We took Mid Quarter exams in AP and I found out I was 48/50, but, the whole section will be deducted 5 points. So that means I will be getting 43 instead of 48. Oh shit. We went to Maine's house after for practice. We were there until 7, I suppose. Ayun, I was late again.
Thursday, 9.11.08-- Still raining. PE was a disaster. Mr Chua was disappointed, saying that we became at ease just because he told us last week that our dance was magnificent. I almost told him that we didn't, some groups did even practice amidst the rain and here he is telling us we had no improvements? Even though he was clearly getting into my nerves, I didn't have the nerves to answer him. I doubt if I even could do it. I'd make Cowardly Lion look like the Terminator. Besides, it is wrong to answer a teacher, anyway.
Friday, 9.12.08 [Today]-- Not raining that much. I was able to sit back and relax again during the club period. A good opportunity again, so I grasped it. Martin & I were supposed to interview the Guidance Counselor but since we didn't have any camera with us, it was clearly pointless. Ayun. Hassle!
Wow. That was a wrap!
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Easy.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
4:29 AM
I'm currently listening to Lily Allen's
Littlest Things. And I find the lyrics so... exact for what I'm feeling right now.
The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but it’s so true
I know it’s not right but it seems unfair
That things are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if only for one weekend
So come on, tell me
Is this the end?
I only came here to post this.
-- Don't try and test me because you'll get a reaction.
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The Scientist
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
4:29 AM
Two major bullshits happening in one day. A big turning point - I have to decide now. Am I still strong enough to endure all the pain they were giving me? If this continues, they will end up wrecking my feelings that will probably cripple me for God-knows-how-long. Yet I'm not sure if I'm capable of giving up, if I'd be able to somewhat cover up for their loss.
Nobody said it was easy, but was it really intended to be this hard? It's one thing for me to let myself fall this deep but it's a wholly other thing for them to be so involved.
This is a dead-end, I suppose?
A lot of people have asked me these questions frequently:
[And don't ask me these anymore]
If you love him,
won't you let him know?-- No. Because a lot of present and future at are stake. And I'm not yet willing to risk it all in just one turn of pitch and toss. I might get all the courage but now's not the time. How would I tell him in the first place? And then, what?
If you love him,
Why are you thinking of letting him go?-- First and foremost, I'm not decided yet about this thing. For me, I will fight for the one I love if he loves me back too. If not, I'd rather let go and let him be with the one who makes him happy. Besides, love cannot be persuaded. If I fight for a person who doesn't love me back, it'll be selfish. Because I pursue for my own happiness, not his. And I do believe that love should never be greedy. There will always come a time that what other people would say or even what you feel wouldn't matter anymore, the only thing that matters is how and what your beloved feels.
Maybe the answers sound overly dramatic, but they're true.
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